Dear Diary

I'm not a perfect person, but I'm better than I've been

Maybe I'm still trying not to be another sin

But I won't hide the issues, put my feelings on display

Because the only way I'll grow is if I feel them out someday

It's hard for me to say the things that make me feel ashamed

I'll write another poem, hide my feelings on the page

And maybe after that someday I won't need therapy

So here's to me and here's to you

I'm hoping someday I won't hide away the truth

I used to be someone I'm not and hope I disappear

I gave up hoping anyone would ever want me here

It's so much easier to just sink back inside my clothes

Maybe if I wear them dark enough, my silhouette won't show

I'm told that I'm annoying, that I never shut my mouth

So I made my own muzzle and affixed it to my snout

But every now and then I'd break it off and speak my mind

I'd better make a new one, so nobody hears me cry

Got used to shaping myself so I'd finally fit in

And every time I'd do it, I could fake a stupid grin

I got so good I'd profile every person I had met

Speak the words and take the actions that would make them be my friend

Soon enough I'd get so good I'd forget who I am

And everyone who knew me knew a different kind of mask

Eventually it catches up, the pieces fall apart

You stand there and you wonder who you are and where to start

The fear sets in and then you start to ponder if it's true

Should you be afraid that no one really likes the real you

It's hard for me to say the things that make me feel ashamed

I'll write another poem, hide my feelings on the page

And maybe after that someday, you'll read between the lines

So here's to me, the real me

Trying to trust that you'll love who I want to be