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Ada Werefox 2023-12-11 05:26:10 +00:00
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void-fe/data/poems/2023-12-09_dear-diary.md
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# Dear Diary
I'm not a perfect person, but I'm better than I've been
_I'm not a perfect person, but I'm better than I've been_ \
_Maybe I'm still trying not to be another sin_ \
_But I won't hide the issues, put my feelings on display_ \
_Because the only way I'll grow is if I feel them out someday_
Maybe I'm still trying not to be another sin
_It's hard for me to say the things that make me feel ashamed_ \
_I'll write another poem, hide my feelings on the page_ \
_And maybe after that someday I won't need therapy_ \
_So here's to me and here's to you_ \
_I'm hoping someday I won't hide away the truth_
But I won't hide the issues, put my feelings on display
_I used to be someone I'm not and hope I disappear_ \
_I gave up hoping anyone would ever want me here_ \
_It's so much easier to just sink back inside my clothes_ \
_Maybe if I wear them dark enough, my silhouette won't show_
Because the only way I'll grow is if I feel them out someday 
_I'm told that I'm annoying, that I never shut my mouth_ \
_So I made my own muzzle and affixed it to my snout_ \
_But every now and then I'd break it off and speak my mind_ \
_I'd better make a new one, so nobody hears me cry_
It's hard for me to say the things that make me feel ashamed
_Got used to shaping myself so I'd finally fit in_ \
_And every time I'd do it, I could fake a stupid grin_ \
_I got so good I'd profile every person I had met_ \
_Speak the words and take the actions that would make them be my friend_
I'll write another poem, hide my feelings on the page
_Soon enough I'd get so good I'd forget who I am_\
_And everyone who knew me knew a different kind of mask_
And maybe after that someday I won't need therapy
_Eventually it catches up, the pieces fall apart_ \
_You stand there and you wonder who you are and where to start_ \
_The fear sets in and then you start to ponder if it's true_ \
_Should you be afraid that no one really likes the real you_
So here's to me and here's to you
I'm hoping someday I won't hide away the truth
I used to be someone I'm not and hope I disappear
I gave up hoping anyone would ever want me here
It's so much easier to just sink back inside my clothes
Maybe if I wear them dark enough, my silhouette won't show
I'm told that I'm annoying, that I never shut my mouth
So I made my own muzzle and affixed it to my snout
But every now and then I'd break it off and speak my mind
I'd better make a new one, so nobody hears me cry
Got used to shaping myself so I'd finally fit in
And every time I'd do it, I could fake a stupid grin
I got so good I'd profile every person I had met
Speak the words and take the actions that would make them be my friend
Soon enough I'd get so good I'd forget who I am
And everyone who knew me knew a different kind of mask
Eventually it catches up, the pieces fall apart
You stand there and you wonder who you are and where to start
The fear sets in and then you start to ponder if it's true
Should you be afraid that no one really likes the real you
It's hard for me to say the things that make me feel ashamed
I'll write another poem, hide my feelings on the page
And maybe after that someday, you'll read between the lines
So here's to me, the real me
Trying to trust that you'll love who I want to be
_It's hard for me to say the things that make me feel ashamed_ \
_I'll write another poem, hide my feelings on the page_ \
_And maybe after that someday, you'll read between the lines_ \
_So here's to me, the real me_ \
_Trying to trust that you'll love who I want to be_