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Ada Werefox 2024-03-15 15:56:47 -05:00
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<meta content="text/html;charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type" />
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<a rel="me" href="https://mspsocial.net/@alice" hidden>Mastodon</a>
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void-fe/data/poems/2023-10-14_today.md Normal file
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# Today.
Next year. \
Next month. \
Next week. \
Today.
Today, I feel the breeze. \
I keep my feet planted. \
I spread my wings.
Today. \
The breeze picks up. \
I'm feeling nervous. \
I start my run.
Today. \
I prepare to leap. \
One extra check. \
I'm almost there.
Today. \
I shake my head. \
I find my ground. \
I'm still just standing. \
I contemplate.
Like sleep paralysis in the early hours of the morning, like a sudden jolt from a lucid daydream, I'm still just standing. All I can see right now is today, and today, I'm still just standing.
Today, like my hesitance to ambition, is temporary. Daydreams only last until you make them your reality.

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# Stillwater Pond
_She said "sweetie, whatcha thinkin'?"_ \
_I stared down at the ground_ \
_I don't think life is easy, and it's hitting me right now_ \
_We walked right down the sidewalk and I opened up my mouth_ \
_"My life is in a strange place,_ \
_Like sitting at a pond,_ \
_And noticing the stillness, and taking in the calm"_
(Mmmhmm) _I don't know what I'm doing, can't you tell?_ \
(Mmmhmm) _Not used to all the silence in my head_ \
(Mmmhmm) _And I'll be honest, I make my life hell_ \
(Mmmhmm) _So how am I supposed to do the rest?_
_Don't keep making your storms, girl, it's all you can do, to keep pushing through_ \
_Appreciate all the quiet, 'cus now your life is just up to you_ \
_You had it all along_ \
_Never had to write this song_ \
_So as long as we're sitting, here's the truth_ \
_You don't need to know what to do_
_I used to resort to drinking_ \
_It could numb the pain I felt_ \
_Every weekend I'd repeat it, and the weekdays just as well_ \
_I chose to just deny it, grin and bare, I'd tell myself_ \
_Now I'm not still in college_ \
_Or in a shitty job_ \
_So I told myself at my age I should practice self love_
(Mmmhmm) _Maybe I'm in more control than I let on_ \
(Mmmhmm) _When I stop the issues new ones just appear_ \
(Mmmhmm) _Wait, I'm starting to think they're already gone_ \
(Mmmhmm) _I should take my own advice, get out of here_
_Don't keep making your storms, girl, it's all you can do, to keep pushing through_ \
_Appreciate all the quiet, 'cus now your life is just up to you_ \
_You had it all along_ \
_Never had to write this song_ \
_So as long as we're sitting, here's the truth_ \
_You don't need to know what to do_
_I'm sitting at the airport_ \
_I'm on standby for the flight_ \
_I don't feel so agitated_ \
_About figuring out life_ \
_There's no way to have answers_ \
_And I don't need to plan_ \
_I'll just fucking make it_ \
_Just a step at a time_ \
_Take a breath, it'll be fine_ \
_You don't need to be right_ \
_Just keep doing what you can_

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# Dear Diary
_I'm not a perfect person, but I'm better than I've been_ \
_Maybe I'm still trying not to be another sin_ \
_But I won't hide the issues, put my feelings on display_ \
_Because the only way I'll grow is if I feel them out someday_
_It's hard for me to say the things that make me feel ashamed_ \
_I'll write another poem, hide my feelings on the page_ \
_And maybe after that someday I won't need therapy_ \
_So here's to me and here's to you_ \
_I'm hoping someday I won't hide away the truth_
_I used to be someone I'm not and hope I disappear_ \
_I gave up hoping anyone would ever want me here_ \
_It's so much easier to just sink back inside my clothes_ \
_Maybe if I wear them dark enough, my silhouette won't show_
_I'm told that I'm annoying, that I never shut my mouth_ \
_So I made my own muzzle and affixed it to my snout_ \
_But every now and then I'd break it off and speak my mind_ \
_I'd better make a new one, so nobody hears me cry_
_Got used to shaping myself so I'd finally fit in_ \
_And every time I'd do it, I could fake a stupid grin_ \
_I got so good I'd profile every person I had met_ \
_Speak the words and take the actions that would make them be my friend_
_Soon enough I'd get so good I'd forget who I am_\
_And everyone who knew me knew a different kind of mask_
_Eventually it catches up, the pieces fall apart_ \
_You stand there and you wonder who you are and where to start_ \
_The fear sets in and then you start to ponder if it's true_ \
_Should you be afraid that no one really likes the real you_
_It's hard for me to say the things that make me feel ashamed_ \
_I'll write another poem, hide my feelings on the page_ \
_And maybe after that someday, you'll read between the lines_ \
_So here's to me, the real me_ \
_Trying to trust that you'll love who I want to be_