void-werefox-cafe/void-fe/data/poems/2023-04-10_ice-coffe-part-2.md

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Iced Coffee - Part 2

(Author's note: The first part of this is exactly the same as my original poem, "Iced Coffee". I included it both as a way to directly show my own growth in the poem and for convenience.)

Iced coffee, on a cold Winter's day
Iced coffee, bittersweet at the taste
Do you see me? I probably fade
Fade into darkness, and I'll go away

Hmm....

Why can't you see me? This mirror is broken
Why can't you see me? I can't be this broken
Every line keeping me from satisfaction
I'm wondering why you can keep me in traction
I'm falling, I'm sinking, this love is a sinkhole
I don't understand why you keep me, this freakshow
I see you and there's so much better contestants
Competing and winning and gaining attention
And I'm consolation, the prize for obsession
Don't know why you'd even give me just a second

Iced coffee, on a cold Winter's day
Iced coffee, bittersweet at the taste
Do you see me? I probably fade
Fade into darkness and I'll go away

Hmmmm....
Hmmmm....
Hmmmm.... (it's like... I don't really even know why I bother)
Hmmmm.... (am I even worth paying attention to in the first place?)
Hmmmm....
Hmmmm....

Iced coffee, on a cold Winter's day
Iced coffee, bittersweet at the taste
Now you see me, and I'll be okay
I have my darkness so far tucked away

(chuckle)

I never thought I would tell you I've accepted
That I've resolved all of my feelings of shame
I've moved on and found others who keep me present
Remind me that being alone is okay
I look back and think about that pain you caused me
And realize I should have voiced my refrain
You never owed me all your time and attention
You never owed me anything, just the same

We both agree there are much bigger aggressions
Than anger from feeling abandoned or strayed
I'm happy to find some common resolution
I'm happy we don't talk and I'm not afraid
I feel so much better about my own presence
I feel so much better and now I can say
That drinking iced coffee no longer reminds me
Of feeling isolated from your embrace
So I wrote more verses to speak of acceptance
I'm closing the book on that unhappy moment

Iced coffee, on a cold Winter's day
Iced coffee, bittersweet at the taste
Now you see me, and I'll be okay
I have my darkness so far tucked away

Hmmmm....
Hmmmm....
Hmmmm.... (I wrote "Iced Coffee" to express some feelings I had at the time)
Hmmmm.... (and while those feelings were valid. I realize now)
Hmmmm.... (that the insecurity I felt had more to do with my self-worth)
Hmmmm.... (and my reliance on needing someone to hold onto)
Hmmmm.... (in order to keep myself feeling happy and safe)
Hmmmm.... (I just wanted to express that I've grown since then)
Hmmmm....
Hmmmm....